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Author: Subject: Letter to the Red States

Peach Pit





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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 03:23 PM
Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
antiwar, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths
for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of
their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in
Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister
schools, plus Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, CalTech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of
the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals than us lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California [where the ground is shakey,
but the people are solid as a rock!]

 

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Replies:

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 03:35 PM
See 'ya. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
 

Universal Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 03:49 PM
Sean,

Even coming from me, your post is "over the top" especially being it your first post. Might want to get to know some of us first, before you start "slinging mud". Granted a lot of mud gets slung around here from time to time, but most of us who sling it know each other and believe not it or not, Sean, actually consider each other friends. You're a "newbie", but do realize yor're sticking your ".02 cents in" to people who consider each others friends and family. Might be best if you let people get to know you first before jumping in with a comment that was apparently written by someone very ignorant and condensending of anybody but themselves.

 
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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 04:47 PM
bye


Mike

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 04:53 PM
quote:
Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red
states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
antiwar, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths
for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of
their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in
Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to
spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the
pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at
state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister
schools, plus Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, CalTech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of
the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists,
Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of
Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent
say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was
involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals than us lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Author Unknown in New California [where the ground is shakey,
but the people are solid as a rock!]



I went ahead and wasted my time reading the rest of this. I agree with Fred - given the fact that this is your first post, I hope you realize that you know very little about anyone here - and obviously don't care if you offend someone in your "letter." In light of this, I hope it is your last post.

Why don't you get to know Gina and the two of you can hang together.... at another site.


Mike

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 04:54 PM
I guess if you really wanted to take it seriously, you could be offended by this, but I think it's clear it's tongue in cheek. I thought it was funny.

And by the way, I sure as hell wouldn't want Elliot Spitzer. Man's an ass.

 

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This one goes to eleven...

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 05:00 PM
quote:
I guess if you really wanted to take it seriously, you could be offended by this, but I think it's clear it's tongue in cheek. I thought it was funny.

And by the way, I sure as hell wouldn't want Elliot Spitzer. Man's an ass.


I agree. Lighten up. It's an email going around that I received a few days ago.

Maybe there should be some apologies to the newbie?

 

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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 05:01 PM
Sounds like Nuevo California is a pacivist country. The red states will invade your country with in months.


 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 05:02 PM
I can see how it would offend all the Mexican Dirt Weed farmers, though.

 

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This one goes to eleven...

 

A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 05:02 PM
maybe - then again, no... I don't think so - I will redirect my ire to the original author of the text and will retract my suggestion that he not post again.



Mike

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 05:04 PM
Having San Francisco out of the Union is good enough for me.

Would the red states then also have the majority of the military bases?


Mike

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/21/2005 at 05:07 PM
quote:
Having San Francisco out of the Union is good enough for me.


Yeah. Who needs that beautiful town with the great food and wine and hot women and culture and art? Fooey on San Francisco.

 

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This one goes to eleven...

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 12:41 AM
Welcome to the Whipping Post, Sean. Feel free to post anything you want, just like the rest of us do, and ignore the crybabies who are "offended" that your first post didn't make them feel all warm and fuzzy.

Now if we could just find a way to get rid of the Governator, this thing might really work.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 12:42 AM
quote:
Sean,

Even coming from me, your post is "over the top" especially being it your first post. Might want to get to know some of us first, before you start "slinging mud". Granted a lot of mud gets slung around here from time to time, but most of us who sling it know each other and believe not it or not, Sean, actually consider each other friends. You're a "newbie", but do realize yor're sticking your ".02 cents in" to people who consider each others friends and family. Might be best if you let people get to know you first before jumping in with a comment that was apparently written by someone very ignorant and condensending of anybody but themselves.


Good grief, Fred. After all the sh*t that's been slung here, this really offends you?

 

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Peach Head



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 03:46 AM
Is Arnold gonna run this new country for you guys?

 

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_______________________________________________
I am a work in process !

 
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Universal Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 05:58 AM
No Allen, it didn't really offend me, if you read what I said I was just giving him some friendly advice. C'mom the guy's 1st post with something like that, he's going to get the "who the hell are you?" treatment.
 
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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 06:06 AM
Hi Sean... take the "who the hell are you?" treatment and run with it. I'm sure you will have a blast.

Mike... take the military bases and shuv them... I want the Dept of Peace.

Besides, the bases can't stop commercial planes from attacking the homeland. Please!

The greatest military in the world?

I'm still waiting for someone to be fired.

 

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Peach Head



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 06:53 AM
Ive always wished that state would fall into the water anyways
 

Peach Pro



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 07:11 AM
Apparently, I'm from New California, seeing as I reside in Detroit. I'm leaving. I like Alabama, and I would be sad to see it go.

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 09:58 AM
quote:
Besides, the bases can't stop commercial planes from attacking the homeland. Please!

The greatest military in the world?




Still the greatest military in the world, and don't forget it.

The problem with terrorism, i.e. flying commercial airliners into buildings, is that it usurps the military and targets civilians.

Unless of course our military were allowed to level the playing field so to speak through different rules of engagement. What is a soldier to do, say for example, when a guerilla fighter in shooting at him in the streets of Somalia and using a woman as a shield. Maybe that's why our military is exploited and why you think they aren't the best in the world because they are kinder and gentler, while the enemy is more willing to go to the extreme to obtain victory.

Now I've gotten off the discussion...welcome to the WP Sean!!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 11:10 AM
quote:
We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois


Bummer. as California gave us a great president in Ronald reagan, and we thank you for that.

As for the notion that the corn fed folks in Michigan and Illinois would do anything under the banner of wacko land is funny in itself. Although Madison, Wisconsin, the Berkeley of the Midwest, would probably go for it, but not the rest of Wisconsin, for sure. Can't wait to see the Venice Beach sh*theads try and ban hunting here in the Heartland. Now that's comedy.


quote:
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.



Yep, nothing like pacific coast beaches with the water about 55 degrees. Other than Hawaii, take the rest.

quote:
You get OpryLand


I'll take Opryland over Neverland any day of the week.

And with New York, of course, you get the NAMBLA headquarters as well. My brother's girlfriend is from Long island. She was 22 years old and had never seen a corn field. I'm not joking. To this day we try and get her to walk out into the middle of one and she is cared and won't do it. Pathetic.

quote:
You get Alabama.



I'll take Muscle SHoals music over anything produced in California every time.

quote:
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and antiwar,


Yep, that's impressive, replace one for the other. Makes sense....really.

quote:
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water,


Our Great Lakes in the midwest make up 20% of the world's surface fresh water, and we ain't sending it to a bunch of California half a slap wacko's, blue states or not.

quote:
more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit,


And 80% of the illegal immigrant workers to pick the fruit who work for close to nothing, while their wives clean the liberal elitist's houses. Where is Chavez when you need him.

quote:
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes


I'll take mosquitos over the voracious biting flies of Michigan and Wisconsin. Obviously this guy has never been there.

Past that, Ohio has produced 8 presidents of the United States, second only to Virginia.

quote:
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws


New Califonia, please disarm yourselves, a fast as possible. We got plans for you. And when you talk up this smack in the midwest and south and the other red states, let me know when you do. Now that's entertainment!

D

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 11:20 AM
It apears that the post was made in jest, but this notion that the Country is divided into Red & Blue States is overly simplistic. In my opinion, it is a dangerous and deceptive way to view this great nation.

Peace.

Erik






[Edited on 6/22/2005 by CEEJ]

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 11:28 AM
quote:
She was 22 years old and had never seen a corn field. I'm not joking. To this day we try and get her to walk out into the middle of one and she is cared and won't do it. Pathetic.


Now why is that pathetic? I've lived in Iowa my whole life and I have no desire to go into a corn field. Scared? Hardly. Maybe she's claustrophobic. That doesn't make her pathetic. Makes her normal. Just because you seem at home in the wild doesn't make someone who doesn't pathetic...you need to drop your he-man bit and just let it go...

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 11:42 AM
quote:
quote:
She was 22 years old and had never seen a corn field. I'm not joking. To this day we try and get her to walk out into the middle of one and she is cared and won't do it. Pathetic.


Now why is that pathetic? I've lived in Iowa my whole life and I have no desire to go into a corn field. Scared? Hardly.



Could be she's one of those who belive the Children Of The Corn movies are suppossed to be factual. Or she's just heard too many stories about what you Midwest farmboys do in cornfields.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/22/2005 at 01:13 PM
quote:
Now why is that pathetic? I've lived in Iowa my whole life and I have no desire to go into a corn field. Scared? Hardly. Maybe she's claustrophobic. That doesn't make her pathetic. Makes her normal. Just because you seem at home in the wild doesn't make someone who doesn't pathetic...you need to drop your he-man bit and just let it go...



quote:
Could be she's one of those who belive the Children Of The Corn movies are suppossed to be factual. Or she's just heard too many stories about what you Midwest farmboys do in cornfields.




Ha!. Actually, Jerry, you got it right. She says it is based on the Children Of The Corn movies. Its kind of like Woody Allen being afraid of country ponds and lakes because there are things alive in there. She freely admits it. I'll be seeing her in a week or so in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, but the corn is not all that high yet. But, we'll get her catfishing yet.

Walking through a tall cornfield is a blast, as there is a whole different nature scene going on there, especially on the entomology side of things.

DH

 

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